For some people, any sex is good sex. But if you are in a long-term relationship, it is prevalent for a couple’s sex life to move through various ebbs and flows. Often, mature relationships get stuck in particular routines or patterns. Initiating sex in the same ways at the same time and place and in the same positions can truly be a one-way ticket to Stagnation Road. They say that variety is the spice of life and we think it’s also the perfect addition to a healthy sex life. In fact, couples who add variety to their sex lives over the years are just as sexually satisfied as they were during the first six months of their relationship, according to one of the largest studies ever to examine what contributes to a satisfying sex life long-term.
That said, when it comes to your sexual desire, it largely depends on your preferences, feelings, and current happenings in your life. Generally, relationships go through several stages. Once you move through the honeymoon phase, things slow down a little. So, if you feel your relationship has become stale, it’s time to bring in some spices and freshen things up.
Why Is It Important to Spice Up Your Sex Life?
Before we take a deep dive into some fun tips and tricks to improve your sex life, let’s go over why it’s crucial to keep your sex life exciting for your mental health. Because believe it or not, sex plays an important role in maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. “Just about everyone agrees that sexual satisfaction is an important component in long-term relationships,” says lead author David Frederick, assistant professor in health psychology at Chapman University. The study Frederick conducted looked at 38,747 married or co-habitating heterosexual couples who had been together three or more years. The men and women ranged in age from 18 to 65, and many had been together for two decades or more. (Frederick said a similar study on same-sex couples is in the works.) Frederick cited an unrelated study that determined couples who participated together in obstacle courses and other unusual activities reported feeling happier and more positive toward each other. It’s not so different in the bedroom. In general, the results indicate that couples who prioritize each other’s satisfaction and can confide in each other with new ideas — without fear of judgment or rejection — fare the best.
In contrast, a mismatch between partners’ sexual desires creates a black hole that can slowly deteriorate the relationship. Its important to look out for a few warning signs:
- When the excitement declines
With time, even the most amazing sex can become “meh.” The lack of mystery and excitement can make sex that once used to turn you on become dull and even irritating. When the thrill is gone, it might be a time for a little spice ..
- Frequency of sex decreases
It is extremely normal for the frequency of sex to decrease in long term relationships. It is especially common for couples to deal with fluctuation when they are preoccupied throughout the day or have high stress jobs. Unfortunately, this can also lead to not having the time or the energy for something as important as sex.
- The relationship is going through a dry spell
Sex is an essential element of any romantic relationship. But the quality of sex is highly correlated with the status of your relationship and mutual understanding. When a couple is going through a bumpy patch, sex can often take a hit.
- Sexual satisfaction is failing
Regardless of how steamy the sex is, it all boils down to the level of satisfaction or fulfillment each partner is having in sexual activity. When one partner feels left out, or their sexual pleasures are not being met, trying new things in the bedroom can be a great idea to enliven your relationship.
- A partner is quiet quitting
Emotional connection is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship and good sex. When the above factors begin to affect the relationship at a constant rate, it can result in a loss of emotional connection. This can further cause a partner to quit quietly and commit to only the bare minimum in sex without bringing up the issue in an open and healthy manner.
If your sex life is dealing with any or more of these issues, it is important to know that things will get better and the road to a happy and healthy sex life is just a few tips and tricks away.
10 tips and tricks to spice up your sex life!
If you have made it this far, you are aware that your sex life is struggling. That awareness in itself is the first step towards sexual abundance. So, what can you and your partner do to make things better? Part of the solution to a sexually unfulfilling relationship is accepting that this might not be a problem you can fix with one quick conversation, or even a day or two of consistent effort. “Confronting” your partner with communication isn’t likely to achieve much more than additional conflict, and neither of you are going to get much satisfaction, sexual or otherwise, from a long, tense and stressful argument. The good news is that, armed with the versatile tool that is clear communication, it’s possible to have a supportive, open conversation with your partner and begin making progress toward the sex life you want to have.
Here are 10 simple pieces of advice for you to incorporate into your life to achieve a healthier and more abundant sex life:
1. Lingerie
Lingerie is the most classic and yet most practical items that go missing in the bedroom in long-term relationships. Partners can become so comfortable with each other that they forget to put extra effort into “getting ready for sex.” So, instead of having sex in the buff, try wearing lingerie that excites you and your partner. You can even surprise your partner with your new lingerie set and get excited about their enthusiasm. Yes, enthusiasm is a precursor to good sex and is also a great way to help top your lingerie set with gleaming confidence.
2. Role Play
While it may be challenging to open up about who you want your partner to be or what you want them to do, role-playing can get the ball rolling. Just remember, before you and your partner become entirely different people for the night, talk over what you’re willing to do and what you’re not. It’s important to know what each of you is hoping to achieve out of the experience. For you, it might just be a fun, one-night-only thing but for your partner, they might want to add this to your usual rotation. Some people like to use role-playing to act out fantasies. Whatever you decide is amazing, just make sure it fits both of you.
3. Get Some Toys
Using toys in the bedroom to revive your sex life might be alarming to some. But they are a great way to bring newness and spontaneity into the bedroom. You can choose from hundreds of options on the market depending on your fantasies, desires, and preferences. That being said, don’t rely on toys entirely. Rather, consider them a sprinkle of wholesome spice and not the main dish.
4. Try New Positions
Ending up in the same position over and over again becomes so routine that you can lose your libido just thinking about it. The element of sexual surprise is important so it doesn’t leave you feeling bored and indifferent in your sex life. So, the next time you’re having sex, step out of your comfort zone and surprise your partner with a new position. There are so many positions to choose from, so don’t worry if one position doesn’t work for you. Trial and error is the name of the game when exploring your sexual desires!
5. Talk About Your Fantasies
Talking about your fantasies with your partner is not something every couple is comfortable doing. Opening yourself up and disclosing your fantasies can often come with the dreaded fear of judgment. To start, you can hint about your fantasies and see how your partner reacts, and then open the dialogue to talk about their fantasies. You never know; your partner might end up loving every facet of your fantasy. It might even be their own too.
6. Set Up A Bedside Mirror
Mirrors have an empowering impact on most people. It can instantly allow us to feel more confident and can actually regulate our emotions. So why not use them to amplify your performance in bed? Many people find it erotic to look at themselves and their partner in the mirror while getting into sexy business. And with the perfect lighting and placement, you can even have your very own private erotic show to bring a whole new level of creative fun to your bedroom.
7. Foreplay
You should never underestimate the power of good foreplay to bring the spice back to your sex life. Most couples get straight to it and are done within 5 – 7 minutes. This truly has the potential to suck the fun out of intimacy when it feels like a chore. Having sex for couples should be about making love to each other. So, rather than going jumping straight into sex, incorporate some anticipation. You can do things like tease your partner, touch them intimately, caress their neck, or even try a few aphrodisiacs.
8. Plan Date Nights
Sometimes, your sex life can become monotonous when you don’t have enough time to be with your partner intimately, or you get too tired by the end of the day that getting into detailed sex is probably the last thing on your mind. Either way, planning a date night every once in a while can play a big role in making things exciting again. So trying doing something simple like setting a date and clearing your schedule to devote yourself to a night worth remembering for yourself and your partner.
9. Try exploring each other differently
Understand that sex is not the only thing that revives your relationship. There are countless other things that can spice up your intimacy. You can do something as simple as using your other senses to sexually explore each other’s bodies which can allow you to experience sex in a deeper and more meaningful way. Start using your sense of smell by blindfolding your partner and having them smell lavender or tickle your partner with a feather. It might feel weird, awkward or funny, but embrace all those emotions. These are all great ways to have simple dopamine releases.
10. Engage in high-thrill sex
Risky is exhilarating! The idea of having sex outside your room seems impossible and out of your comfort zone, but that’s the whole idea behind it. Become involved with your partner and allow yourself to experience sex beyond the boundaries of your bedroom.
If you can kick it up a notch, try having sexual moments with your partner when you’re outdoors or even in your car. It can start out with just a sensual touch or a dirty text. Use your imagination! This is a perfect opportunity to not only explore your partner but your own urges too. After all, sexual exploration is supposed to be fun!
